Baby Idiots Carl Robinette Jacket inpage“These days it is not always easy to be a man. What, with all the mixed signals you get. Of course in the Gutter, most of those mixed signals are the wires crossed in your own brain…”

–Out of the Gutter on “Baby Idiots”

“Baby Idiots” is a work of flash fiction written by Carl Robinette and originally published at

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In this story our narrator has had it up to here with all the stooges out there standing between him and happiness.  When one of these stooges threatens an imagined romance between the narrator and the babe of his dreams, the narrator takes control of the situation the way Hollywood taught him.


When she says she’s calling the cops, you’re pretty bummed to leave, because you probably still had a chance with her if you just apologized right and got her some romantic gift. Like a Precious Moments figurine.

Also, even though you’re bummed, you’re like, Sweet. At least I didn’t have to pay for my beer.